Goofy Falls Off the Cool Wagon

I pride myself on being Fairly Cool Mom. I avoid-like-the-plague the 'traditional' kiddie institutions, like Chuck E. Cheese, McDonald's, etc. You know, those bastions of bad food, sugary drinks, too much stimulation and rape-and-pillage prices.

But I fell off the wagon tonight. Well, let's be honest here...my husband grabbed me by the shirt collar and PULLED me off the cool wagon. We went to the Rainforest Cafe tonight.

This place used to be cool. I remember going to the one at the Mall of America in Minneapolis about eight years ago. We had to wait about 30 minutes to get a table. The atmosphere was indeed rainforest-like...dark...fake thunder/lightning...rain...moving animotronic animals..lots of 'wild' sounds. It was kitzchy, and the food was bad, but overall it was different and fun.

So fast-forward to today. Goofy Junior (aka The Boy Who Is Potty Training Himself) decided that he didn't want to wear a diaper today and told his daycare teacher such. Since he already had underwear on over his diaper, she took off the diaper and he went 'commando' for the morning. He actually made it until 11:30am before an "oops". Anyway, we applauded his efforts and decided to take him someplace fun for dinner.

Here's how it happened...

Me: So what is "fun for dinner" for a toddler?
Loving Hubbie(aka Wagon Jacker): Anyplace with balloons and games.
Me: Like where? (getting worried now)
LH: CHUCK E. CHEESE
Me: NEVER. Try again.
LH: How about Rainforest Cafe?
Me: (comparing the two and deciding at least I can get an adult bev at RFC) Um....okay.

Did you hear the YANK? Yep. That's the precise moment I fell was pulled off the Cool Wagon.

When we got there, the place was empty. Granted it's a Monday, but it was pretty obviously not the coolest place to be. I decided against the adult bev, as it came in a lighted, blinking glass. We took turns touring Junior past the animatronic, twitching elephants ("They're BIG Mommy!"), the hooting and jerking-like-bad-break-dancer gorillas ("I don't like them...they're LOUD!") and the giant fish tank ("NEMO!!! NEMO AGAIN!! TWO NEMOS!!!").

At least he was digging it.

Our waitress came several times as we went over the menu, stunned by the high prices for over-rated bar food with "rainforesty" names (Volcanic Cobb Salad, Rumble in the Jungle Turkey Wrap). We settled on a mixed appetizer platter to split. Junior got popcorn shrimp. As I remembered, the food was mediocre at best...although the popcorn shrimp were mightly tasty.

As we ate, we noticed that approximately every 10 minutes, the gang of servers would come out with a ginormous cake/ice cream dessert in the shape of a volcano, and sing Happy Birthday to another table. Junior dug this, and clapped after each song. I started suspecting that this was the main reason that even the small amount of patrons had come here. Free dessert, folks. It's a great marketing tool!

But even though I'm off the wagon, and still dusting myself off, there was a Proud Momma moment. During dinner, we mentioned to the waitress that it was Junior's first time at RFC. She looked surprised and said, "Wow! I wouldn't have known. He's not crying. What a big boy!"

I don't know who beamed more...me or Junior. Maybe being a Fairly Cool Mom That Sometimes Falls Off the Wagon is not so bad, indeed.

Goofy Easter Egg Hunting

When Goofy Junior does an Easter Egg Hunt, it's a contact sport.

Check it out (it's worth the wait):

Click here to see the video

Meet the Goofy Dogs

While reading about Cagey's dilemna about whether or not to get a dog, I started thinking about my dogs. I have the bestest dogs ever! They don't require a lot of exercise, but they will never pass up the offer of a walk. They are, for the most part, fairly calm and quiet dogs. They are also loving dogs, but not "lap dogs". And they don't lick you incessantly, like some labs I know. Ew!

Meet Casey and Murphy, my Siberian Huskies:
(Murphy is the one with the cigar.)


Casey is 14 and Murphy is 9. We've had Casey since she was a pup (about 4 months old). We adopted Murphy, who is actually Casey's "niece", when she was 3.

Huskies are awesome dogs. They are extremely gentle with our 3-year-old son. He has pulled ears, stepped on paws and yanked tails, and they just move out of the way. Ocassionally they bonk him with a snout, but never a growl or baring of teeth. And he's deserved it a few times!

The one drawback of huskies is that twice a year (spring and fall), they shed their winter coat as the seasons change. This produces a little bit of fur:

(That's Casey in the back. The ball of fur we just brushed off is in the front.)


As personalities go, huskies are very much like cats. They really don't jump around and follow you, begging for attention. They are more subtle. You might even say "sneaky". If you are on the couch watching TV, they might come by and stand so that your hand is in close proximity to their chest...just in case you might want to pet them for a while. If you don't get the hint, they might give you a short bark and poke you with the snout. But after a few minutes of petting, they move on to other pursuits...usually sleeping.


As far as big dogs go, Casey is really pushing the limit on age. I've heard good life expectancy is around 15 years, so she's definitely in the senior citizen category. I can't imagine life without her, but our life has been so much better for having her in it. And hopefully vice versa for her.

Psyche!

Remember back in (God, I can't believe I'm dating myself like this) high school - call it the eighties. You'd tell someone something unbelievable, the say, "psyche!". As in "Just joshin' ya", "I'm totally messing with you", "Silly you for believing me."

Well, I got a bit "Psyche!" from my doctor.

Flashback to previous post about follow-up mammogram. The previous ending was "and she left the hospital, to live happily ever after." Well my doctor called me up the following week and basically did a "psyche!" on me.

She said, "well you left before the doctor could talk to you further." Hmmm... the sonogram gal said something like, "you are free to go." Guess I misinterpreted that somehow.

Then she follows it up with, "there's some calcification that's just asymetric and we want to do a biopsy."

What I heard was "blah, blah, blah, BIOPSY". As in "cut" as in "remove stuff" as in "get me on the next bus outta town RIGHT NOW".

She must have smelled the fear (horses and doctors, I suppose), and she quickly said, "a NEEDLE biopsy. A small needle, like a sewing needle. We just need a small sample of tissue to analyze."

I'm still not feeling the love. Now I hear, "blah, blah, blah, NEEDLE IN YOUR BREAST." Can it get any better?

So I agree to call a surgeon. As luck (?) would have it, my husband had his appendix burst several years ago and we happen to know a good surgeon. This was one of the surgeons that my doctor mentioned as a referral. Ah! A small bit of coincidental good luck. I'll take it!

I saw the surgeon yesterday for a consult. I didn't hear anything new. I heard "BIOPSY" and "NEEDLE" and "TISSUE" all together and scary-like.

I wasn't really sure what questions to ask. Anestetic? Yep. Recovery time? Short. Pain? Minor. Scarring? 1/4" scar, nothing big.

Then he gave me a card with a website link with more information. As a good patient would do, I followed the link to the site and looked up details on the procedure.

And I tripped across this lovely illustration of what they are going to do:


Does this look suspiciously like a DRILL to anyone but me?!

Okay, so let's summarize. BIOPSY. CUT. TISSUE. BREAST. DRILL!!!!

(faint)

Goofy Food Fetishes

I get a lot of harrassment for things I eat. Or don't eat. Taking a page from Scooter's book (wherein he details all his food preferences), here's my food likes and dislikes:

"Normal" food that I don't like:

Tuna.
NOTE: I can't even be in the same room with someone eating tuna. Bleck!

Peanut Butter.
I just don't like it. Not even with jelly. I do, however, like Butter & Jelly sandwiches. Or just Jelly sandwiches. I will eat peanut butter if it's combined with chocolate, like Reese's Peanut Butter cups.

Potato Chips.
Just quit liking them one day. I prefer pretzels. Not fat-free pretzels, though.

Candy Bars.
Believe it or not, these are too sweet for me. I can't eat them anymore. I can down gallons of ice cream, slabs of cake and entire pies, but keep the candy bars, please. Especially ones with nuts. I've never liked Snickers. Ever. You might be able to tempt me with a Dark Chocolate Milky Way...

Popcorn.
I cannot stand getting the kernels stuck in my teeth, so I don't eat popcorn anymore. If only they could make kernel-free popcorn, I would come back around.

Food that I like to eat, but often in weird ways:

Burger.
I only like ketchup, but not on my burger please. When I dare to eat a cheeseburger, it's PLAIN. No ketchup, no mustard (yuk), no lettuce, no tomato, no pickle (UGH!). Meat, cheese, bun. Boring I know, but that's my preference.

Sandwich.
This used to go the same way as the burger. Meat, cheese, bread....Done. In the past few years I've ventured forth and added mayo. But again, no lettuce, no tomato, no mustard, nothing else, please. Especially not a nasty pickle to color my bread green and get nasty pickle flavor on my sandwich. Bleck.

Donuts.
Donuts are my downfall. I've considered "overdosing" on donuts - buying a dozen raspberry-fille Krispy Kremes (my all-time favorite donut), eating them all in one sitting and making myself sick. I've done this quite accidentally with a few things, and never wanted them again. There's a chocolate shake/wisdom tooth story incident that comes to mind...

Diet Coke.
If I drank water instead of Diet Coke, I would be healthy on a Herculean scale. I realize how nutritional useless Diet Coke is, yet I can't help myself. Arg.

Chili & Mashed Potatoes.
You take a bowl. You put a mound of mashed potatoes (no instant potatoes, please!) in the center. Then you put the chili on top. And cheese if you're feeling frisky. Then eat bite consists of some chili and some potatoes. It sounds weird, but I've converted lots of friends.

Corn & Mashed Potatoes.
Detecting a trend with the mashed potatoes? Same as above. Lump of potatoes, corn on top. This one I used to mix up all together and have for dinner with nothing else. Starch overdose, anyone?

I'm sure there's other items that I'm missing, but frankly, I've been eating strange combinations for so long that it's not until someone says something that I realize the oddity.

So, dear readers...what strange food fetishes do you have?

A Goofy Scare

As faithful readers know, I had my first mammogram two weeks ago. It was really no big deal, and after I was sufficiently poked and prodded, the technician told me should couldn't tell me any results (she sounded like she gets asked this question 800 times per day), but I would get a letter if everything looked fine. If there was anything suspect, I would get a phone call. "I'm rooting for the letter," I joked.

Well guess what. I got a phone call. The Phone Call. The "your recent mammography shows a finding that needs further evaluation" Phone Call. The "we've detected an asymmetry in your right breast and want to do more poking and prodding" Phone Call. Basically the Oh Shit Phone Call.

I played it off well, I think. "Is this normal?" I asked. The nurse gave me a seemingly scripted answer. "Well, with first mammograms we don't have a baseline. Many times we have women come back in for an additional look. And we did see an asymmetry."

Asymmetry. As in "One of these things is not like the other".

I got this call on Monday. They could not get me in for an additional look until Thursday. Much worrying ensued. Of course the inevitable thoughts creeped in. "What if I have cancer? What if I lose one breast? How do you buy clothes with only one breast? What about chemo? Would that be an option? Would they catch it in time? Would I die?"

So yeah, I went overboard with the worry thing, then decided I couldn't do anything until Thursday. Poking my right breast did not unearth any offending lumps, so I waited. And waited. And waited.

And Thursday finally came. And I was ready to face the mammogram again. I felt brave. I shed my clothes and donned the tiny baby blue Batman cape that serves as your coverall during the ordeal. The same technician was there, and she met me with the same jovial demeanor as before. She took some views. Only the right breast this time, and quite a bit more smooshing (probably not the technical term) this time. Okay, folks, this kind of mammogram does hurt, although not as bad as getting a cavity filled or anything.

Then I waited. Then they wanted to do a sonogram. Had they not seen what they expected? Was this good or bad? I started getting nervous now. I hate hospitals, and even though this was the outpatient territory, deep down I knew it was still the hospital, and that didn't help my nerves.

The sonogram was easy. Lay down. Try to stop racing heart. Get squirted with gel (actually warm gel...they have a warmer for the stuff!) and wait as the friendly technician glided the sonogram paddle thing (there I go again with the technical terms) in eighteen directions over me.

"You've got cysts," she said. My heart stopped.

I must have looked shocked because she continued.

"They're benign and very normal. See?" She pointed out several dark shadows in the maze of wavy lines on the screen.

"What causes them?" I blurted out.*

"Well, I've had that question so many times, that I've researched it. It could be blocked glands, you know, like a clogged drain gets backed up and it causes a lump. It's also thought to be hereditary," she said, "They could go away or they could just stay there. Either way they are normal and always benign."

I really liked her use of "always" here!

I couldn't think of any other questions, so she left to let me dress and get the hell out of there. It was strange having been there so long and then after this quick n' painless procedure, they just let me loose. I wasn't going to let them have second thoughts.

But as I waited, I thought of one more answer I needed to know. I don't know why, I just needed to know.

"How many are there?" I asked, as she came back in to see me off.

"Four" was the answer.

Well, there you go. A nice, even, symmetrical number.

*In hindsight, this is weird. My first thought should have been thankfullness, instead of curiousity. But my brain works like that sometimes...

Is it Wine Yet? Is it Wine Yet? Huh? HUH?

Man, I told you all I was impatient. I haven't pried open the bucket's lid to check progress, but I did do a lot of listening and poking tonight. You'd think I had a lot of spare time on my hands, huh?

Speaking of spare time*, I've been doing some reading (and listening) lately. Here's the scoop:

"Little Earthquakes" by Jennifer Weiner
Please, don't read this book. For all that is sane and proper in the world, just don't. This book is just wrong. It's depressing. It contains entirely too many stereotypes about pregnant women, mothers and women in general. It's just plain annoying. I couldn't finish it. I got through 3 of 4 CDs and found that I just didn't care what happened to any of the characters. So I said out loud, "...and they lived happily ever after" and returned it to the library. Ugh. Jennifer, After "Good In Bed" I expect better out of you!

"Birth of Venus" by Sarah Dunant
This is a book club book. I never, ever would have picked up this book if it hadn't been assigned to me for book club. And it's wino book club, so like, I gotta go or I don't get to drink. So I was forced to read the book. And...surprise! It's not bad. It's set in pre-Renaissance Italy, so the language is bit, er, flowerly. And this author really likes to describe things like gardens and peacocks in excrutiating detail, but the story line is interesting. It's about a clever and curious young girl (an unusual thing for this period) and her movement into womanhood, marriage, etc. There are some unusual twists and turns along the way, but there's a decent love story plot line, plus a nice sprinkle of feminism too. I also feel like I learned something historical from reading this book. Bonus!
Book Club NOTE: It made for some interesting book club conversation, but not nearly as much as "Tortilla Curtain" or "Life of Pi".

"On Bullshit" by Harry G. Frankfurt
I swear that Cagey was eager to read this book. I swear that she told me she had heard good things about it. Alas, Cagey disavows all knowledge of this, and rightfully so. I didn't make it past Track 5 on CD #1 before realizing that this was a serious book about bullshit. WTF? On the dust jacket, it was noted as a "satire". Can satire be un-funny? Well, this one was. Bo-ring. Just say no.

"Saving Fish From Drowning" by Amy Tan
I have enjoyed all of Amy Tan's books that I have read. My favorite (and first one) was "Bonesetter's Daughter". It was great. This book was nothing like that. The prologue explains how Tan got the idea for this book. It was intriguing. However, two discs into the books, I was wondering if she was ever going to get around to a little thing called a plot. You know, that thing that keeps your reader interested in the book. She missed me on this one, and I had to stop. Maybe I'll pick it up in the future and try again, but I just didn't "get it" this go 'round.

"Company: a novel" by Max Barry
After zooming through "Jennifer Government" by Barry, I tried his newest, "Company". It did not disappoint. Without giving too much away, this book is a cross between "The Firm" and "Office Space" (the movie). It's funny, thought-provoking, and you just might see a little bit of yourself or your co-workers in it. I enjoyed it.

So there it is, the good, the bad and the un-readable. What have YOU been reading lately?

* Behold my elegant segway. Gack.

Wine Making with Goofy Girl

Wine making is extremely simple. I mean, think about it....way back when, it happened accidentally. Some monk-dudes gathered some grapes for munching, and set them aside, meaning to get back and eat them or make them into preserves. They got busy praying and such and forgot them. The grapes were discovered a week later, moving, shaking and bubbling as wild yeast ate up the nutrients of the grapes and expelled gas.

Was it an act of God, or that other guy? The jury is still on this one, folks.

So after the bubbling stopped, one of the braver monks tried a sip. "Yum," he must have thought, and the rest is history. *

So back to me. Ahem. I manage to make the simplest things hard. Thus was the case with the wine making. I bought a kit, for crying out loud. A kit. Like "Do step 1", "Then do step 2", then "Idiot, do step 3. Why are you even still reading the instructions?" Each package was labeled with (you guessed it) "step 1", "step 2", etc.

I did manage to follow all the steps, in order. However, there was a slight (okay, large) delay between step 4 and 5. Step 4 was basically "Dump the juice into the giant 6 gallon bucket and stir". Step 5 was "Add the yeast". Doh! The yeast. The yeast that was supposed to be out of the fridge, sitting in a nice warm-but-not-hot place, eating the nutrients provided in the package and making the package swell to a plump "ready-to-use" size. This step takes about a day. Double-doh! So, as I said, there was a slight delay between these steps.

This delay was made worse by the stupid directions (I always fuck up when I read these...why do I continue?) that said "package should swell in about three hours". After four hours...the package was flat as a pancake. So I poked and prodded; shaked and shimmied. After which I figured I had killed any yeast even thinking about getting busy. I threw the package in the microwave overnight (I didn't turn it on...it's just a nice warm, breeze-free place) and went to bed. Then, like a kid on Christmas morn, I ran down this morning to check on my yeast package (boy, I need a vacation if this is exciting stuff, huh?). Flat.As.A.Pancake. Dammit!

I threw the package in the pantry and left for work. My expectations were low when I got home from work. But when I checked the pantry, presto! A nice, puffy package of yeast! Yippee! I quickly fed Goofy Junior and we went down to add the yeast to my science fair project.

Right before you add the yeast, you add oak chips to the wine. Goofy Junior looked a little concerned when I added playground droppings to my wine, but he was supportive. This means he didn't dump the bucket or put any foreign bodies into it. Good boy! I put the lid on my concoction and left the yeast to feast.

So now, I wait for 5-7 days before taking a peek. I'm not a patient person, so I will be amazed if I don't peek before then.


* Okay, so I totally made up this historically-inaccurate story and wine was most probably discovered way before monks, but I always associate early wine-making with monks. So shoot me.

Goofy's Week of New Experiences

This has been a week of new experiences for me.

New Office:
My new department moved to new offices on Monday. There were a few glitches, like the restrooms on our floor are not done, so for the next two weeks, we have to travel either up or down a floor to pee. Bonus exercise though if you take the stairs! Also, the heat on our floor did not work until late today. But the good news is that our entire department is together. Together in a recycled, 70s-decorated, restroomless, freezing location...but together nonetheless.

Mammogram:
Monday I had my very first mammogram. Happy, happy, joy, joy. Actually, it was less painful than just plan weird. It's kind of like putting your breasts, one at a time, into a vice. Then you have to stop breathing for a few seconds as the "vice" takes an x-ray. It was really more pinching-painful than the "oh my God you are flattening my breast"-painful that I was expecting. Then I got to watch an embarrasing video of breast self-exam.

Wine Making:
I took a Wine Making class last Saturday. It sounds so totally easy that I'm going to try it. Go figure...another project for me. My local "home brewing" store just got in some Limited Edition Petite Syrah/Zinfandel juice. Yum. And since it's already juice, there's no annoying grape picking, de-stemming, crushing, etc. Just pour it into a bit bucket, add some yeast, add some oak chips, close it up and wait! If everything works out like planned, I might have some wine in the works by this weekend. Then, in about six months, I will have 26 bottles of wine to drink. Be nice to me and maybe you'll get a bottle!

Poker Tournament:
Tonight I played in my very first bar Texas Hold 'Em tournament. Mr. Goofy & I have had a home game for a while, but this was the first time that I ventured out to play with real live strangers (versus dead ones?). My goal was to not be the first one knocked out at my table. I surpassed that goal my miles! I had so much fun and actually did pretty well. Of 7 tables of 8 people, I was still around when it got down to 3 tables. I lasted almost 2 hours!

In case you are curious, the hand that did me in was A-K unsuited. A new guy to our table (they start consolidating tables as players go out) went "all-in" before the flop. If you are not familiar, this means that, based on only two cards, he was betting his entire bankroll. My A-K was a very good pre-flop hand, so I called him. Turns out he had 7-7...a pair of 7s. But the flop was still coming. The flop is 3 more common cards. One of these cards was an Ace. I had a pair of Aces! Which beats a pair of 7s. But alas, the final card turned up (there are 5 common cards total) was a 7. The bastard had a set of 7s (3 of them). Which, of course, beats even a pair of Aces. There was disbelief all around the table as this guy took a LOT of my chips. I never really recovered after that, and finally went all-in on a pair of 9's (not a horrible bet) and got knocked out by a higher pair. As you can tell by how much I'm writing about this, I had a blast! The only downside was that I had to come home and take a long shower to get the horrible cigarette smell off me. My frigging socks smelled of smoke!

Whew! After all this excitement, I'm ready for a quiet weekend.

Brrreeeport

I am hereby a Lemming.

Brrreeeport.

Google it.

The Cost of Motherhood

Lately, I've been pondering the costs of motherhood. No not the costs of diapers, formula and Baby Einstein DVDs, but rather, the opportunity costs. The time costs. As in "What Have I Given Up for This Motherhood Gig?" No, I'm not regretting motherhood, just thinking back to that time before Goofy Junior came along and comparing how my time was spent then versus now.

And I've come up with a few things. Things that I either knowingly or unknowingly gave up. These fall into two categories: Things I Don't Miss and Things I Miss

Here they are, in no particular order...

Things I Don't Miss:
1) Watching TV
This is the biggie. I remember nights when I would come home, park myself in front of the TV with dinner and hubbie and stay there until bedtime. Upon reflection on this...JEEZ, what a huge waste of time! If I put my Mommy Time Management Hat (MTMH) on, I think of all the things I could have done with that time...walk the dogs, pay bills, do a load of laundry, read a book, listen to an audiotape, go to the gym, shop for shoes, play a computer game, blog...

2) Staying at Work Late
I can remember looking at my watch and thinking, "Hmmm...it's 5:45pm. Guess I better think about heading home". Holy Moley! I currently have to leave my desk no later than 5:00pm if I am to get on the road, miss the majority of traffic and get to daycare for pickup by 5:45pm or so. I don't do this to miss the late penalty (which is not until 6:30pm anyway), but rather because I miss the little cur. I am rushing to pick him up because I want to see him, not because I'm afraid to incur some additional cost. It sure gets my butt going though...

3) Sweet Snacks
I have a large sweet tooth. Okay, it's gigantic. But now, I have to be a Good Role Model and not eat brownies before dinner. And not carry Twix bars in my car. Toddler Eagle Eyes see everything with a shiny wrapper. I do still eat sweets, but I have to pick my moments and I don't do as much as I used to. This is not a bad thing.


Things I Miss:
1) Walks with Mr. Goofy
This sounds mundane, but we used to have wonderful talks while we walked around our neighborhood block with two dogs in tow. We would talk about work, vacations, dreams, pet peeves, etc. Often we would argue, but in retrospect, we were communicating, and that's always good, even if tempers get heated.

Now we have to either take Goofy Junior with us, which slows the walk down to a toddle and prohibits any meaningful conversation; or one of us has to go alone. Definitely not the same.

2) Eating Later than 7:00PM
Pre-Goofy Junior, I used to roll home about 6:45PM, feed the dogs, remove my work costume and put on comfortable clothes, check the mail, then discuss with Mr. Goofy what we would make for dinner (or where we would run to for takeout).

Now we have to plan for dinner to be eaten no later than 7:30PM, or Goofy Junior's stomach causes him to become this mad lunatic. And bedtime is at 8:00pm, so we want to give him time to digest. As a compromise, we occasionally make Junior dinner at 6:30 or so, then wait until after he goes to bed to grill steaks, bust out a bottle of wine and have a normal adult dinner. The downside of this is you are literally in the kitchen all night. Sometimes it's worth it though...

3) Large Blocks of Time for Reading
I remember once sitting down on a Sunday after lunch and reading an entire Harry Potter book. In one sitting. Ah!

Now I have to find smaller blocks of time to read. A half-hour before bed. In the car while Mr. Goofy is driving. During dinner (yes, it's not the best role modeling. oh well). A big savior has been audiobooks. It's a wonderful multi-tasking situation listen to a book while driving. And I have about an hour each day to do it. I love it!

So there are costs, and there are rewards too. As with most large life changes...

Damn Chick Lit!

I'm currently reading (scratch that...listening to) Jennifer Weiner's "Little Earthquakes". It is a "chick lit" book - a book written by a woman, for women, dealing with "women's issues"*. I suppose the name comes from the same folks that gave us "chick flick" - a movie in which no heterosexual man would be caught deal, unless he is wanting to get laid.

Anyway - I normally don't read this genre of book. I usually find the stereotypes annoying and the topics depressing. Guess what? This one is no different.

This book is about four women, each a mom, with a story about their motherhood. All depressing. One lost their child at 10 months; one's husband lost his job; one's husband is famous and never around; the other one has a meddling mother-in-law. Why must we make motherhood so depressing, folks? Why must the Mommy Guilt prevail? Please make it stop!

Anway - I came into work today and started snapping at co-workers. I was just plain mean! I realized that this meanness stemmed from being in a bad mood from this damn book!

Don't get me wrong, I don't only read Dave Barry books and live in a Pollyanna world where nothing bad every happens. I read books about serious topics, many of them sad, depressing, scary, angry. I read a wide variety of books. But this chick lit book disturbs me.

Then I started wondering why I keep listening to it. Why I don't just eject the CD, put it away and be done? The reason is...I keep hoping it gets better. I keep hoping that the husband gets another job, the missing husband comes back and gets involved; the mother-in-law tones it down. I guess the story wouldn't be as good without some obstacles to overcome, but jeez!

Anyway, I'm still listening...hoping that things get better for these folks. But I just might need some Dave Barry after this...

* I used quotes here because I believe that "women's issues" are men's issues too, and vice versa. Why the need to specify? But that's a rant for another time...

Mother's Little Helper

I just had lunch with a good friend today. She owns a small business that she has been growing, slowly, over the past five years or so. She's someone that I really think is brave, confident, positive and who can do no wrong.

Today she told me she's been seeing a therapist. No big deal, in my book. We all need to bounce our thoughts and emotions off someone else, to validate them. This is healthy. Actually I think she already told me this last time we went to lunch.

Then she told me, in hushed tones, that she had asked for some anti-depression drugs. This sort of shocked me, because this friend is one of the most upbeat, happy people I know. Well, I guess she is in public, at least.

I tried not to look as shocked as I was. It's really not that uncommon anymore, but it still shocks me when someone I know believes that they need drugs to solve their problems. What really bothered me next was when she told me that she finally asked her therapist for the meds when she had a day where she was so down that she didn't want to get out of bed. And didn't, until 1:00pm. She just didn't want to face anyone. My thought was, "Doesn't everyone have days like that?!" Isn't that what a Mental Health Day is for?

Then I had mixed feelings:

Was she looking for an easy solution to a normal problem? Or was this just a little help she needed to face her "down days"? Was there something wrong with me, that I'm not on mood elevation drugs?

In the past year or two, I've had no less than six (that's a 6!) friends tell me that they take some sort of drug to change their mood. I've also had a few friends that have turned to legal drugs (aka alcohol) to help them with their problems. My mindset has always been that if you can't handle your problems on your own (meaning without drugs or alcohol), you're just not trying hard enough*.

So I am just naive to think that most people don't need chemical help to get through the week? Has life gotten that complex and stressful that we all need to medicate ourselves to get out of bed in the morning? What about the message this sends to our kids? Even without the meds, is social pressure to be better, stronger, faster too much for our brains to handle?

Damn, this whole post depresses me. I think I'll go have a drink and take a nap.

*Yeah, I know this belief doesn't fit my personality. I don't know where it comes from. Freud would have a field day with me, that's for sure.

Empty Nester

I'm now officially an Empty Nester. I've kicked my little ones out of the nest, and they are on their own. I wish them the best of luck.

No, I'm not talking about kids, I'm talking about my Poker Ladies!

Last fall, I took a Poker class. Texas Hold 'Em to be specifc. Loving Husband and I had gotten the bug like most people, from watching Celebrity Poker Showdown, where washed-up actors and actresses played Poker to (hopefully) get 10 more minutes of fame. We started up a home game with some folks and thought we were plenty good. I saw the class and thought, "Hmmm....a way to get an edge up on everyone. I'm in!" I'm sneaky that way...

The class was awesome. After the three weeks were over, some of the other ladies in the class and I exchanged phone numbers. I thought I would never hear from them again. I thought wrong. Now granted, I like to play Poker. I need practice. But these ladies were Bad (notice the capital "B"). But, being the closet teacher that I am, I took it as a challenge to myself to teach them well and make them bar-worthy*.

Let's just say it was an uphill battle. These ladies were Aggressive-Passive players. They would hold a Queen-seven down to the river, then wonder why they didn't win. Or they would hold pocket Jacks down to the river without betting. I began wondering if playing with these ladies would ruin my game. But, they got better! They actually started betting. They quit asking "who's first?". And tonight was my last night with them. I very politically-correctly weaseled out on them (I used the "quality time with my son" excuse).

And they are okay with it. They know I want to venture off and play in bar tournaments and beat the pants off macho assholes that think they know how to bluff. They even volunteered to come cheer me on (I quickly squelched this idea...I don't need that kind of pressure!).

So my little birdies have flown from the nest. They plan on getting together without me later this month. Someone will have to buy poker chips...and cards for that matter. It's a bittersweet moment, but I think we have just outgrown each other.

Fly, fly away...


*bar-worthy = able to play Texas Hold 'Em in a free bar tournament without looking foolish. Oh and did I mention that I was the youngest in this group by about 20 years (I'm 40)?. They are all single and really want an excuse to go to the bars and meet single men. Gotta love that!

In a Holding Pattern...

I'm in a holding pattern in several facets of my life and it's starting to drive me crazy. I realized this earlier this week. I came home from work Monday in a sour mood and was trying to figure out why. I realized that it's because there are several things that have been "in a holding pattern" - not completed. Some of these items have follow-up tasks that just can't be done until the original item is done. Since I'm a child of the Franklin Planner, I love checking things off as "Done". Having these items pending for so long is making me crabby.

Investment House
I bought an investment house about six months ago. My partner/rehabber claimed that he could have it ready to sell in six weeks. Guess what? It was just completed last month. We've had some independent realtors trying to sell it, but they've done a crappy job. The latest idea is to list it on MLS. I just want to get it sold and see what the final revenue/expense breakout is. This is my first real estate deal and I want to see the entire process before I decide if it's something I want to do again. I know one thing. This partner/rehabber won't be involved next time.
Status: Waiting for Sale

Second Adoption
We have gotten almost all the paperwork done to apply for another adoption. The problem? We have one form - ONE FORM! - that needs to be completed before we can send everything off to the agency and go into wait mode. Right now the ball is still officially in our court and it's annoying. And the one form is measurements of our house. Not even anything exciting or interesting, like a criminal background check. This one especially sucks, because we went and told bunches of people about six months ago, so everyone (very nicely, I might add) asks us "what's the status?". And I have to tell them about the one form, and that we have no idea when we will be traveling. That seems so far away right now.
Status: Waiting on one fucking form.

Assignment at New Company
I've been working as a consultant at a large telcom firm. They are spinning off one of their divisions and I am going with it, as a consultant. This is highly exciting. However, at the present moment, we are still at the Mothership Headquarters, combined with all the mother company employees. Plus my new department is spread across two buildings and multiple floors. It's hard to "pop by" someone's cube when they are a 10 minute walk away in another building. The good news is that we are moving to our new building in less than two weeks. We will all be on the same floor, in close proximity. That will make the new assignment "real" and will make work so much easier.
Status: Waiting for building move.

Back Pain
To make matters all that more complicated, during all this stuff my lower back has started hurting. And hurting. And hurting. I say "lower back", which is the true problem (officially a sublaxation of my L5 disc, for the record), but it manifests itself in my hip. Which makes sitting for longer than, oh, 20 minutes, pretty unbearable. As mentioned above, I work at a desk, in a cube. Yes, I have occasional meetings where I get up from my desk and go into a conference room and... sit some more. And fidget, because my back/hip starts to hurt.

Lest you think I am whining over sore muscles, sublaxation means that a bone (in this case a disc) has moved from its normal position and is somewhere else. It's only a millimeter or so off, but that's enough to throw everything out of whack, and cause pain. The best way to describe the pain (when I forget to get up every 20 minutes and walk around) is that it feels like a white-hot pointy rod is being driven through my body, starting at the front, soft part of my groin, and continuing through to the back, just below my pelvic bone.

And so you don't think I'm just complaining and not doing anything about it, I have been going to my chiropractor for 9 months for this. And believe it or not, there's been progress. But it's getting old. I do 20 minutes of stretching every morning, I walk every night, and then do about 20 minutes of therapy exercises before going to bed. It's a lot of time and trouble and I'm sick of it. Also, there are some trips that I have been eyeing for this year that involve mountain biking, kayaking and/or camping. With how I feel now, this trips would just not be any fun.
Status: Still hurts. No end in sight.

In Summary
Thanks for letting me bitch about this. Hopefully by putting it down on paper (keyboard?), I will work to get these items out of "holding pattern" and in to the "complete" category.

Happiness is...

Happiness is...
Your department moving to a brand-new building!

Unhappiness is...
Your cube is right outside the Director's office. No more blog surfing for me.

Happiness is...
Getting a company laptop!

Unhappiness is...
Laptop is used, weighs ten pounds and has a battery life of 20 minutes.

Happiness is...
Having a half-day off from work to spend with Goofy Junior because daycare is closed for President's Day!

Unhappiness is...
Having to put a full day's work into 4 hours in the afternoon.

Happiness is...
Going to the chiropractor's office and having her adjust your aching back. Ah!

Unhappiness is...
Having your 2-1/2 year old running around the chiropractor's office while you are trying to relax and get adjusted. Then he's quiet as a lamb once you get to the car.

Happiness is...
Taking Goofy Junior to the library on President's Day. Where there are paper and glue activities (make Lincoln's log cabin, trace Washington's face, etc.) * Score!

Unhappiness is...
The two Dora the Explorer videos that you put on hold last week for Junior are still not ready for pickup. And you just returned the ones you had checked out. Doh!

* I'm not kidding. These were the actual activities. I don't think I could have made up something funnier!

It's Fun to Travel - Final Part (I promise!)

Okay, I've drug this out enough. This last part is not even all that exciting. But here goes...

So we get a foot of snow overnight Saturday in Virginia. We are diligently checking the United flight schedule online. No change. Still scheduled to leave on-time at 8:30am. Either they don't update their site or they are unconcerned with the weather. At this point, after calculating how early we would have to get up to make an 8:30am flight (after snowy drive to airport, rental car return, checking bags, etc.), I was actually rooting for a delay. To no avail. At 5:30am on Sunday, things still showed "on-time".

So we packed up and went out to the rental car. Which was covered in a foot of snow! Doh! We forgot to allow time to scrape the car off. This took a while! As we headed out onto the roads to the airport, we noticed hardly another car in sight. As we got closer to the airport, there was a bit more traffic, but it was extremely light.

We got to the airport, expecting to see a delay. No delay! I was starting to get very impressed with Dulles Airport...that they could look a foot of snow in the face and say, "no problemo". We checked in and went to our gate. Once at our gate, there was a slight delay. Our plane was coming in from New York, who had gotten two feet of snow. This made sense, and it was only a twenty minute delay. No problemo. We had time to grab some greasy McDonald's breakfast.

After our plane arrived, there was a slight problem. They had shoveled snow up against the jetway and could not move it. And the airplane could not get close enough to dock with the jetway. They moved us down a gate.

Then another problem. I don't remember what it was this time...maybe the baggage dudes couldn't get the carts out to the plane. Something like that. They decided to move us to another terminal. At least we are still progressing towards getting on the plane. No problemo.

We grabed our carry-ons and strolled over to the other terminal. Here we were told that another gate change was needed. We moved several gates down and actually were able to get on the plane. We had to walk down stairs onto the tarmack and walk to the plane, but hey, no problemo! We had a plane and we were on it. It was about 9:30am at this point.

Then we waited darn near an hour for the de-icing crew to come and spray us down. We gladly waited, though, as this was a more safety-oriented delay. We took to the air around 11:00am, to some cheers and clapping from the passengers. We were on our way!

Unforunately, our baggage wasn't. Once we all got back to KC, the normally-bored-on-a-Sunday-morning baggage claim lady was met with an entire plane of passengers missing their checked baggage. We got in line, filled out the requisite form and were told that someone "would call us". We racked our brains thinking of what we needed for work the next day that was in our bags. We came up with 1)contact solution and 2)mascara. Both easily replaceable with a trip to the drugstore. No worries. But I felt sorry for the business folks that were arriving in KC for work meetings. Most the travelers that Sunday were wearing jeans and tennis shoes or boots, and had checked their suits and skirts. These were the folks that were most up in arms about the delay. I tried to put myself in their situation. I was painful. They were probably looking at a shopping trip in a foreign city on short notice. Ugh.

Our baggage finally showed up on our doorstep Monday night. It was nice to have it show up one day late, as we didn't feel the "push" to unpack and do laundry Sunday night. We couldn't! Not that I want to lose my baggage ever again, but it was a nice break.

So that's my trip report. I'm back into the daily grind now. I actually matched two numbers on the Powerball drawing yesterday. This nets me absolutely zero. But that's my excitement for today. Yawn.

It's Fun to Travel! Part Two

Okay, finally I can finish posting about my trip. My entire experience was tainted by the fact that, after we all got back from this "fire up the troops" company meeting - complete with new CEO - a key person from our company was fired. A good friend no less. For no apparent reason. And officially, not actually fired. Sort of the "go find some other work to do in the company and if you can't, then look for another company". How rude! Needless to say, this has sent some ripples of uncertainty through the company and definitely put out our troop's "fire".

So, with that off my chest, here's the rest of my trip report...

So Friday night, Loving Husband flew into Virginia, as did male-friend-who-is-too-mature-to-call-boyfriend of co-worker, and we headed down to Georgetown. Based on the advice from a co-worker who lives in Virginia (hereafter known as "Idiot") , we avoided the parking headache and took the Metro. Now I love the Metro - don't get me wrong. But it's not the fastest way to get anywhere. Since by the time we left the hotel we were starving, this was not a good thing. Also, the Metro stop that aforementioned Idiot said was supposed to be "a few blocks" away from the pizza place (Pizza Paradiso, if you're curious), was not. Twenty minutes and a potty stop later, we decided to hail a cab. It was TWELVE blocks away. To me, twelve does not equal "a few". Idiot.

So we get there and guess what? Thirty minute wait. Gads! The dudes diligently waited while co-worker C. and I rushed down to H&M to do some quick shoppping. What a wonderful store! Vintage-looking clothing at fractions of the price of real. Anyway, once we got a table, and got gourmet pizza and beer, and we were happy. They had some wonderful beer on the menu, and I got to try an Old Rasputin Imperial Russian Stout. I like dark beer. The more opaque, coffee and chocolately-tasting, the better. And this one did not disappoint.

The next day, Saturday, we decided to head to downtown D.C. C. wanted to see the Smithsonian stuff and we wanted to take in the Holocaust Museum. Loving Husband's folks lived in D.C. for about five years while we were in college, so we have seen everything in the Smithsonian. Most places more than once. Along with assorted childhood homes of presidents and battlefields. The only stuff we haven't seen is the new stuff (new meaning "within the last fifteen years"), which included the Holocaust Museum and the Spy Museum. We intended to take in both.

We decided on the Holocaust Museum first, due to its somber nature. We figured we'd be horrified first, then go to the Spy Museum and see the lighter "James Bond" stuff. Well, due to the above-mentioned slowness of Metro travel, as well as impending weather, as well as stopping at Kohl's on the way to buy hats and scarfes for the impending weather, we didn't make it to the Spy Museum. We just ran out of time. And steam.

So, the Holocaust Museum. How can I describe it? I was actually a bit frightened to go through it. There's some horrible stuff that happened, and they don't pull any punches in describing and showing it to you. But I felt like it was my civic (human?) duty to see the horror, to appreciate the magnitude of what happened. The Holocaust Museum is not something someone can say they "enjoyed", but I'm definitely glad I endured it. It was enlightening, if nothing else. I can say that I've never been in a more quiet museum. Even with the ocassional sobbing from some visitors.

So we rolled out of the Museum around 4:00pm and decided to head back to the hotel. At this point it was raining and starting to get colder. I still didn't think it looked like it would snow. Silly girl! We had reservations at Two Quail at 8:30pm that night for our anniversary, so we wanted to get back, rest up and clean up before heading there.

On the way back to the hotel, the snow started. Big, fluffy flakes that quickly accumulated. By the time we got to the car (parked in the Metro parking lot), it was covered. By the time we got back to the hotel, there was enough snow to make it slippery to drive. While I still wanted to brave the elements and go to Two Quail (being a December baby, I learned to drive in the snow, and don't mind it), I conceded that we could probably find someplace equally nice out in the Fairfax area. And it probably wouldn't be crowded since Virginians get the hell off the roads when it snows. The streets were eerily empty! We chose M&S Grill at Reston Town Center. It was a short drive to it, there was indeed hardly anyone there, and the dinner was wonderful. As a bonus, they sat us near the bar, so we got to peek at the Olympics on the multiple TVs. Then back at the hotel, we went outside and made snowballs with the nice sticky snow. A perfect anniversary celebration, if you ask me.

This is a lot already, so I guess there will be a Part Three. Stay tuned!

Goofy's Latest Reads

I promise I will continue my trip report, but since I have limited time this morning, I’ll do a quick book review.

Here’s what I’ve been reading/listening to lately:

NOTE: As an afterthought, I have ranked these books in 1, 2, 3 order. If you decide to pick one of these books up, pick up #1 first, etc.

“Shadow Divers” by Robert Kurson
I borrowed this audiotape from Cagey, oh about 6 months ago. It’s about a group of shipwreck divers that discover a sunken German U-boat off the coast of New Jersey. It sounded good, but I kept thinking, “it’s going to be a dry story about scuba divers and WWII history...yawn”. After finishing it, I was kicking myself for now listening sooner. This story grabbed me from the very first line and held me until the end. I can’t remember a boring part, even with bits of history sprinkled in (not my favorite topic). I actually learned something from this book, and it’s a true story, so the guys in the story are still around, discovering new sunken bits of history. Very cool!
Rank: #1

“S is for Silence” by Sue Grafton
This was a great book! The Kinsey Milhone “ABC” series has gotten a little dry lately, and I’m thinking Grafton knew that. With this book, she departed from the story revolving around Kinsey (the main character – a female private eye). While Kinsey is still in the book, Grafton uses the scenario of a cold case, and flashbacks to show the reader what really happened as Kinsey uncovers it, many years later. Even if you’ve never picked up a Grafton book, you will understand what’s going on, and will probably enjoy this book (if you enjoy a good mystery, with lots of red herrings).
Rank: #2

“The Pleasure of My Own Company” by Steve Martin (in process)
I’ve read all of Steve Martin’s books. Yes, I’m talking about the “King Tut”/”Cheaper by the Dozen” comedian. He is actually an awesome writer, although his books tend to be rather dark. I personally think this is cool. If he wrote comedy ala Dave Barry…yawn. Anyway, I’m on disc 1 of 4 of this audiobook, but it’s very good so far. It’s about a single guy who has some sort of obsessive/compulsive disorder, although he’s very smart and knows about his OCD. Martin puts you inside this guy’s mind as he tries to meet a girl he’s attracted to. She’s a realtor that is selling an apartment across the street. Since he can’t step off curbs, he must travel around the block, to a driveway, then back again, in order to “nonchalantly” run into the gal. He foreshadows that he will tell us what happened in this guy’s life to put him in this state, but for now, you have to accept this guy as he is. And you actually start to like him and understand him. Stay tuned on this one, but it’s looking good so far.
Rank: #3

Next up:
“Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal” by Christopher Moore
If you haven’t read a Christopher Moore book, you need to. “Fluke” and “The Stupidest Angel” are especially good. They are laugh-out-loud funny and clever all at the same time. This is Moore’s latest book, and promises to lampoon religion. This book promises to be controversial and funny…what more could you ask?

So, what had YOU been reading lately? Was it good? Bad? So-so?

Tagged!

I'm calling a "timeout" from the travel post to do this meme. I thought it was a fun one. Thanks, Average Jane!

What were you doing 10 years ago?
Unfortunately, my Palm doesn't go back this far, so I'm relying on mind power (never a good thing). Ten years ago, I would have just completed my 30th birthday. If I remember right, I played volleyball the night of my birthday, then we went out with my team (and the team that beat us!) and I successfully downed 7 shots. I say successfully because I did not thrown them back up and I remember the majority of the night. Success! Also, Loving Husband and I would have completed our 5th wedding anniversary. I don't think we did anything special. For 10th, we had a big party, invited lots of friends, watched our wedding video and laughed until we cried. I also would have been working at an Internet training company. Yes, folks, I actually taught people how to use the Internet. Seems laughable now. That company ended up running out of money and closing, but it was fun while it lasted.


What were you doing 1 year ago?
I went back to my Palm on this one. One year ago, this week, I was:
1. Looking forward to the Survivor premiere
2. Taking Goofy Junior to tumbling class (which I HIGHLY recommend for tots - he is SO coordinated, and I give credit to the tumbling class)
3. Playing racquetball (badly) with my friend Eric
4. Preparing for Wino Book Club (a book-club-slash-wine-tasting...big fun! I think the book was "Time Traveler's Wife")
5. Playing volleyball (something I don't do anymore and miss horribly!)

Five snacks you enjoy:
1) Krispy Kreme - Raspberry Filled Donuts
2) Lamar's - Chocolate Longjohn Donuts (unfilled)
3) Whole Foods - Pain au Chocolat
4) Caramel apples with additional topping (heath bar, nuts, chocolate, etc.)
5) Panera - Cinnamon Crunch bagel

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:
PLEASE NOTE: I know lots of songs by heart, but would cause mass public deafness if ever sang them in public. These are the ones I like the most.
1) Every Step of the Way, Steve Walsh
2) Kiss Me Deadly, Lita Ford
3) One Week, Bare Naked Ladies
4) American Idiot, Green Day (and just about every other GD song)
5) Cowboy, Kid Rock

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire :
1) travel
2) invest
3) travel more
4) have a huge party and invite all friends (and have Average Jane's band play!)
5) give to charities that I support

Five bad habits:
1) Eating until I can't move
2) Avoiding things that I don't want to deal with
3) Wasting time surfing blogs
4) Not paying attention to my checking account balance
5) Checking email obsessively (thank God I don't own a Blackberry!)

Five things you like doing:
1) playing computer games
2) playing sports
3) reading
4) exploring
5) doing something I've never done before

Five things you would never wear again:
1) my husband's jeans
2) my dark purple boots (with fringe!) from high school
3) my entire purple wardrobe from high school (no, I'm not kidding)
4) my gold and black lame short-short skirt and short jacket with fur trim (impulse purchase for New Year's several years ago)
5) anything lace

Five favorite toys:
1) Mountain bike
2) iPod Shuffle
3) Rollerblades
4) Xbox
5) Magic 8 ball (even though it's more of an advisor sometimes than a toy)

So now you know a little more about me. Anything surprise you???